Consider harm to society by gay marriage


In making the decision on whether to approve same-sex marriage, voters need to ask themselves one important question. What will be best, not for individuals, but for society?

State law already grants same-sex couples all the rights and privileges of marriage through domestic partnerships. There are no benefits, financial or otherwise, denied to gay couples -- only the name of marriage.

It is understandable that same-sex couples want to call their relationships marriage and want everyone to view their unions as equivalent to traditional marriage. But it is important we place the needs of society above the feelings of individuals.

Marriage has never been just a celebration of love between any two people. It has always been specific to a man, a woman and the children of their union.

Marriage includes words like duty and honor. In a marriage, a man vows, not just to love his wife, but to put the full strength of all of his efforts and labor toward the support of his wife and their children. A woman vows to make for him a refuge, a home and a family. These are equal and complementary roles, but not the same roles.

A man and a woman bring different and vital contributions to a marriage. We give marriage special honor in order to support and strengthen the bond of men and women because the whole society benefits from the stability of that union.

How does gay marriage threaten this? It changes the definition of marriage to a personal celebration of love. It diminishes marriage into a way to get benefits.

It removes legal distinctions between men and women, rendering gender meaningless. It breaks apart that singular value society places on the union of a man and a woman.

If we approve gay marriage, there will be fewer marriages and more divorces because marriage will have been divorced from its fundamental meaning.

Audrey Ahmann




marketinsider says...

I'm going to look at R74 from a completely different point of view than what I have seen in the public and media. In the last 50 years the percentage of adults who are married has dropped from 70% to 50%. Meaning, marriage has not gotten more popular, but less popular. You may have an opinion why. I think it is because we are about the individual and not the state, city, or family, it is all about me. Tons of compromising is necessary in a marriage. Also, over half of those who get married will get a divorce, and that does not mean that the other half who stay married are happy. If R74 passes, with all the B.S. about all the good things that come from marriage, you may want to flip the coin over, even if just for a millisecond, and ask yourself are you ready for a commitment as serious as marriage, and is your partner. Yes, there are benefits in being married, but if it does not work out, and half the time it gets so bad that the couple divorces, you may actually wished that R74 had not passed. My point, which I'm sure many will take out of context, is not that R74 should or shouldn't pass, but that if it does, you should seriously think not only about the good things that can come from marriage that are touted by the proponents of R74, but the bad as well. There are literally millions of Americans who have gone through divorces, many have gone through them multiple times, and some of them wished they had not gotten married in the first place. Last tidbit, if you do get married instead of just being a couple, and you decide it is not working out and you decide on divorce, and there are children, money, homes, cars, pensions, and retirement accounts involved, and you and your partner cannot completely agree on how everything gets broken up, someone else who you don't even personally know will make the final decision for you, it's the law. Neither side of R74 seems it's important to point out that when you earn the right to get married, you will also earn the right to get a divorce.

Posted 4 November 2012, 8:15 a.m. Suggest removal

Townie says...

I am a happily married straight woman. I did not vow to give my husband "a refuge, a home and a family," and nor did my husband vow to "put the full strength of all of his efforts and labor toward the support of his wife and their children." That is not at all the way we understand our commitment to one another. Sorry lady, but your conception of marriage is not a universal one, and nor are you entitled to impose your ideas about marriage onto my marriage. Given that people are free to love each other and make commitments to each other in a variety of ways, there is no good reason at all (except bigotry, of course) to make gay marriage illegal. You go ahead and live in a world of tightly prescribed gender roles: don't ask me or my gay friends to do the same.

Posted 4 November 2012, 9:04 a.m. Suggest removal

ahmanna says...

I'm glad your marriage works for you, and I know, of course, that individual marriagers vary tremendously in how the couples express their commitment. But those aren't my ideas about what a marriage is in my letter, that's what marriage has been for centuries across virtually all cultures and all faith traditions. And please, it is not by definition bigotry to say that the union of a man and a woman is of such overwhelming importance to a soceity, that it should be singled out and given special status. I am really glad that gay couples find peace and happiness in their unions--wishing them long and enduring love--but read below about a woman abandoned by the father of her children and left to care for them on her own. The children and their mother suffer much more--I only wanted my society to do all it could to add strength to that male-female union becasue when it breaks, more harm is done.

Posted 12 November 2012, 5:51 p.m. Suggest removal

Kevconpat says...

In regards to marriage being 'divorced from it's fundamental meaning'...
Take note;
Stay away from CANADA! The sleazy, sneaky Canuks by 87% have embraced marriage equality. I know I'm shocked too; my Family in Vancouver even embrace it and the country as a whole has for 9 years. Ghastly, shockingly they remain a free Parlimentary Democracy with religious freedom and a standard of living to none other. Citizens somehow remain happy despite their Same Sex citizens that work, live and marry right along their (many more) egads HETERO family and friends! How do they achieve this impossible feat! Drink strong beer and play a lot of hockey, trying to avoid all those same sex couples!
Instead if you wish to vacation I'd head for Europe, though you will want to stay far, far from Norway, Sweden, Denmark, The Netherlands, Belgium, Spain, Portugal...I'm running out of breath! Your safe in Germany, France and England, Switzerland- but hurry. The Parliments in those countries are going to marriage equality starting next year... More countries are considring too. I can't keep up with all this. Where's my Ibuprofin when I need atleast 800 mg. for this stress headache coming on!
I think your safe south of the border. No Wait! Marriage Equality is in Mexico City and one state and recognized in all other Mexican states. Argentina has it too, Oh My- How in the world could this happen. Oh and that's right it's also in Greenland and Iceland, too!
Maybe you should stay in Waitsberg or Dayton. I'm just sayin' there can't possibly be any 'same-sex' couples there, COULD there BE!?
Stay Safe-

Posted 4 November 2012, 1:27 p.m. Suggest removal

oneStarman says...

There was a Time not too long ago when Black and White could not marry in some States. There was a Time when the "legal distinctions between men and women" prevented Women from Voting or Owning Property. TODAY we realize That which Diminishes the Humanity of ANY of US diminishes the Humanity of Us ALL.

Posted 5 November 2012, 5:41 a.m. Suggest removal

mytwocents says...

Once upon a time I was a straight woman,married to a straight man..I was fruitful and multiplied,and gave our union 3 awesome boys...after the birth of the 3rd child, he decided "this is just not working out " ( this of course was after he asked my why I got pregnant to begin with, last time I checked..he was there) after barely 7 years,( stressful and basically unhappy and mildly abusive) we divorced. That was in 1991. Fast forward to 1997, and I opened the closet door and Out I came. My first girlfriend and I didn't work out..,but in 2002 I found my current partner. We have been together for 10 years.We have had a civil union,and are registered domestic partners,which by the way is available to both hetero and same sex couples. It is already so close to a marriage. Why shouldn't we have the last little bit..Why must marriage be only for straight people, do you think you do it better? Do you think you are experts on the subject? are not, and neither are we, but we at least deserve the same right to try as anyone else.We are not second class citizens.. Even criminals can get married and they are the ones who need their rights restricted,child molesters..etc.. We are NOT THOSE PEOPLE. All we want is what everyone else has... The right to love and marry who we choose. defines marriage as
The state,condition,or relationship of being married;wedlock,
The legal ceremony that formalizes the decision of two people to live as a married couple including the accompanying festivities. Websters defines marriage for heter and same sex couples.and also defines it as an intimate or close union.What part of this is so hard to understand?..

Posted 6 November 2012, 12:16 a.m. Suggest removal

ahmanna says...

The issue for me is that why did your husband think he could waltz out the door on you and your boys? Why did he think that it would be ok--that you and your children didn't really need him, and that whatever his needs were, they were more important than his commitment to his marriage? I once heard a woman lament that "It used to be that only a dirty rotten skumbag would abandon his wife and kids. Now your run-of-the-mill jerk does it." What has changed is the way we treat marriage in this country--the way we teach men that women don't really need them, that the kids do fine after divorce, that love is the reason we stay married so if you aren't feeling it..... But consider this--how often, when we hear someone is divorcing, is our first question "Are there children?" (I know gay couples do raise kids too but that's the exception, not the rule for most gay couples. ) We just wanted to keep marriage as a way to strengthen the male-female bond becasue when it fails, more people are hurt.
I wish there was a way to assure same-sex couples that the opposition to gay marriage was NOT due to bigotry--that most all of us have no animus toward gays, that we have friends and loved ones who live outside the closet and this is all ok. I know there are people motivated by prejudice against gays; I find such people embarassing, I am not silent when they speak in my presence, and I am glad their views are not those of the majority.

Posted 13 November 2012, 9:03 a.m. Suggest removal

campbell_rd says...

The flood gates are open now! Marriage no longer has any real meaning especially in Washington. What's next, multiple wives, three husbands, pedophilia? The homosexual activists already indoctrinate our children, in schools, media everywhere. I am like many others, I don’t care what people do in their bedroom, just keep it out of my face and away from my family. Without morals, all is lost. Homosexuality is not normal and I refuse to call it “GAY”, nothing happy (true long lasting happiness) about it!

Posted 7 November 2012, 2:52 p.m. Suggest removal

Kevconpat says...

To campbell_rd. Seems you too are confused, bitter and looking to pick a fight. The flood gates open to ...What!!!
Marriage will always have deep loving commitment to those who believe and cherish it. Perhaps you are hoping for multiple wives,(Mormons did that) and realized it wasn't right. Are you saying you think it should be brought back? As for 3 husbands, do you mean gay or straight. Be specific, you're really going out on a limb. Pedophilia, bad, bad no matter if gay or straight forced onto children. The stats show it is 90% heterosexual, but gay or straight it is an abomination. Please get the facts correct up . I hope you can find peace so the rest of us good citizens can just go about our business Homosexuality is a normal aspect in the entirety of humanity and probably all higher primates and animals. Did I say grow up. Please educate yourself.

- List item

Posted 7 November 2012, 3:38 p.m. Suggest removal

campbell_rd says...

"Homosexuality is a normal aspect in the entirety of humanity and probably all higher primates and animals" You really believe that? And you say I need to be educated? Name one species or society that has thrived with homosexuality, just one. I'm not confused, or wanting to pick a fight. What I am is saddened by the hate expressed by liberals for anyone who opposes their "agenda".

Posted 8 November 2012, 5:40 a.m. Suggest removal

punchnrun says...

Do your own research. You are obviously not well read in this field. Try, the American Association for the Advance of Science (AAAS), or a good college library. I think there are at least two of the latter in the immediate area. Study animal behavior. Most of your contentions are emotional appeals and have no factual basis.

Posted 11 November 2012, 12:11 p.m. Suggest removal

Kevconpat says...

I don't hate you...Have no idea who you are. You are in a 'sheltered' place if you are unaware of homosexuality in primates; (Bonobo's, Dolphins- just to name a few) think man- you have a brain! Read, educate yourself. Talk w/ your friends, family, neighbors or at church! A direct answer to your question. Yes! I do really believe this.
Hmmm, societies.... I can't believe you have to be enlightened on this; One would be right under your nose. Our's. Look buddy you can say or believe what you want, It does not change the truth.
If you feel better by saying I'm a liberal, fine by me. I'm not offended. If you have an agenda,(your words) go for it. My agenda is simple truth.
So are all my family, friends and neighbors who voted for 'marriage equality' are 'hate-filled liberals?' Look at what you're proclaiming.
You're really something. Again, more than 90% of those who I surround myself with are heterosexual and they are not ignorant about understanding that homosexu
ality exsists. You could start by quietly educating yourself in secret so as not to be misinformed any more. Egads, amazing!

Posted 8 November 2012, 8:40 a.m. Suggest removal

MC3 says...

@campbell_rd What I am is saddened by the hate expressed by conservatives for anyone who opposes their "god".

Posted 8 November 2012, 11:22 a.m. Suggest removal

mytwocents says...

I am glad we finally have equal rights. That is what it boils down to. No one is really going to give it anymore thought in planning their straight wedding, and it is as likely to mess up your marriage as it is to mess up mine.. So just go on about your own business and let us manage ours...and I still maintain that we won't impact the divorce rate.. Lol

Posted 8 November 2012, 5:13 p.m. Suggest removal

Iopine says...

It seems the lack of morality and being of a true christian nature this culture is falling into something that nobody can explain? What's next? Marriage to an animal - polagamy - a structure or maybe you could marry a fish? This country is going to hell in a hand basket and on a down hill run!

Posted 8 November 2012, 6:11 p.m. Suggest removal

ahmanna says...

Namvet, it is embarrassing to me that you could read my letter and make a comment about amrriage to an animal. That is a disgraceful thing to say and I suggest you ask the UB to remove your comment.

Posted 12 November 2012, 5:54 p.m. Suggest removal

tpeacock says...

So state the sore losers who condemn any and all that don't agree with their dismal outlook for life. Is it any wonder the majority went the way they did? All this blathering of the world coming to an end, the hateful comments, the crude remarks, the telling of tales that attempt to define our economy as something akin to a few guys going to coffee or breakfast, the continual kissing up to multi millionaires who ARE NOT paying anything close to what they should in taxes, is it any wonder????
When you haters get to a place where you can rid yourselves of the notion you know and understand the Constitution better than anyone else, especially if they are of a party other than yours, when you realize that just because you disagree with someone it does not give you the right to bad mouth them or call them vile names, when you can realize not everyone believes in the Bible, yet they are every bit as righteous a citizen as anyone else, and when, after an eletion you can take in the results like a GROWN UP, not a high schooler (no offense to high schoolers), then maybe, just maybe, you'll start on a road to understanding that just because things don't go your way, you don't throw stones or hissy fits.
Or carry on like the rest of the whiners out there that can't seem to understand that when the majority speaks, there's a darn good reason for it.

Posted 19 November 2012, 4:10 p.m. Suggest removal

Kevconpat says...

Dear Namvet60, Really? We have 5 goldfish and 1 butterfly koi. The fish are lovely, calming in their 75 gal. tank. We feed them, keep their tank clean and in return we are calmed by their simple beauty. We like our fish, but have no plans to marry them. Also have 4 cats; 3 rescue animals and one as a kitten just appeared one summer day amongst our garden plants. Enough animals, all ready!- which by the way are also enjoyed by our family and friends. Even here we have never considered to 'marry' any of them. Not our thing....... I mean really, the things some say- like you. Absurd, though a bit funny.
Next week we travel to Seattle to stay the wkend with our Inlaws. My Husband will be at my side. Our marriage as strong as ever, our animals safe and the 'Rights' of you or anyone else to keep up this doom and gloom and rediculousness goes on. Got to love the American Democratic System . By the way I am Christian, my Husband agnostic. I wish you peace, really. May freedom of expression and religion march forward!

Posted 9 November 2012, 6:48 a.m. Suggest removal

mytwocents says...

And my wife and I can pretty much say the same thing about 1 cat, 3 dgs 2 Chinese dragons and an iguana.. Love em, but no desire to marry them... It is a ridiculous notion.

Posted 9 November 2012, 2:19 p.m. Suggest removal

Iopine says...

Well it is not unusual for some to misunderstand the context of the comment written so let me reiterate and possibly make it a little clearer. When two humans of the same gender can mate and proliferate naturally I would gladly agree with the concept. But until that time transpires it is a total immoral lifestyle. We all live our life until the good lord says it's time but there are some that try to change the majority of the world just for there irregular lifestyle! Have a nice day.

Posted 9 November 2012, 5:19 p.m. Suggest removal

jimmy1duck says...

but there is no god

Posted 20 November 2012, 5:04 p.m. Suggest removal

Kevconpat says...

To namvet60... I'm 55 and enlisted back in 1981. Thanks for your service, but really? An expert, on what bigotry, stupidity, bias!?
Again, not all heterosexuals produce children. Are they irregular? I raised a daughter who will be 36 this December. Why do you insist on showing your ignorance!?
I'm not irregular; nor are gay citizens or same sex couples. We are all human beings, dummy. For cryin' out loud. Take some phys/ed and science classes!
You have NO idea what I have accomplished or in some cases failed at in my life, yet you throw me in a one size fit's all pile of trash. You are really sad concerning tolerance and how democracy works. Your bigotry clearly shows. Look in the mirror!
I'll tell you what irregular immorality is! It's being hog tied, placed face down, shot stabbed and left for dead! It was by a homophobe in 1987. ( a co-worker) So I'm irregular? Walk in my shoes, buddy!
No one ever tells me I'm less then someone else. No one and you are someone that should spend less time judging and more time in retrospect. I'm over this. I've got life to live and will do so with my husband , daughter, 2 grandkids, friends and my extended family. Perhaps one day we will by chance meet- shake hands and be done with this, crap. Geez! I'll offer the Olive Branch. It's in your court.

Posted 10 November 2012, 8:54 a.m. Suggest removal

Iopine says...

Being 70 the above comment reminds me of the pot calling the kettle black! I will say I'm happy with my life and as life goes on it seems to get a little more difficult to put up with the minorities pushing there activities on everyone else. And also you might try and read the comment I left and rationalize what I stated and not taking the comment totally out of context and utilize your mistaken volatility to try and make a point!

Posted 10 November 2012, 2:11 p.m. Suggest removal

Kevconpat says...

Minorities? Apparently you honestly believe you speak for a majority? Look at the election results. In all of this country and in this state. Yes, you must have had some solace as things probably went your way in E. Wa.- a fine place, yet in the end it is the will- as in a plurality in a democracy that sets the rules. You are entitled to your opinions in this great country; I am sad you can't extend the same courtesy to other Americans, the ones you dub 'minorities' Though what you fought for in Nam was for Americans, what Americans? Ones that only think and look like you?. You can't see the writing on the wall. You are an American, but a bigot. Sorry , I don't see it any other way. I have read your thoughts and over and over all I see is a scared ageing white male who cannot adjust to change or accept others without feeling threatened by them. Correct me if I'm wrong. Here we go!
I'm done playing this game with you. If you want or think you won, congratulations. I've got to go to work, pay my bills, be responsible, oh yeah even though I'm one of those....minorities. Where's my extra strength Ibuprofen?

Posted 10 November 2012, 2:43 p.m. Suggest removal

Iopine says...

Two words - free speech. I will voice my opinion as long as I'm alive and even though people spew there vitriol and ignorance I will continue to fight for capitalism democracy! End of story.

Posted 11 November 2012, 2:15 p.m. Suggest removal

MC3 says...

Speaking of ignorance...

Posted 19 November 2012, 3:33 p.m. Suggest removal

Log in to comment